Monday, April 30, 2012

im 20 years old but still i act like a kid.i am pathetic.i can never change!i will never live in london with my husband in a studio apartment with my kids playing around with each other running around my ikea furnitures :'( i will never get an intelligent husband cause i'm not.i will never live happily cause i'm not striving.i can never compete with those clever ones cause i never learn from my mistakes D: i am a disaster.i am a failure or a loser to be exact.i will never get the chance to see my children attending private schools in london or new york.i will stuck here forever!the place where i started everything :( my friends will all have a perfect life cause they worked hard for it but me?i'll be living in a small house.where everything will never be enough

i'm sorry kids,mama didn't do her best on her first semester when she was doing her dream was to see you guys grow happily but i guess,you'll be seeing me work over-time :( i'm sorry i didn't do my best.and to my future husband (depending on wether or not i succeed) i'm sorry too,i'm sorry i'm not perfect :( i'm sorry i don't have the perfect body,job or a likable personality.i'm sorry for being socially awkward.

but but but i really hope that you're rich husband,considering that i'm not working super hard to own this fairytale of mine so one of us have to!but back to reality,we should both study hard to make sure our children have a perfect life.whoever you are,let us study our asses off!then let's apply scholarships and meet in england or new york or wherever.let us fall in love.and i want to be able to look at your face through skype (i don't know why but it sounds cool) and talk to you all night.let us make our love story a memorable one so that it wouldn't be all "we met and we fell in love" shit.i want it to be different.AS IF! haha.finished our degree and you come to my house meet with my mum and my mum loves you then BAM!masuk meminang then BAM!kahwen then BOOM BOOM BOOM! a big house kids and in london.ahhh perfect.okay sayang? :)

im sorry for having big dreams but oh so little effort.

where did all my diligentness went?where did all these dream fade?where is my hard working spot?where is my passion?

i am useless.

ye aku saiko dah tu?

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