since qila is no longer here,i've lost a friend to eat with,to make secret jokes with.it's sad actually knowing a friend is no longer here with you.well,not for long i guess cause she's coming back maybe just Maybe.

if you're reading this qila,i miss you.we all do.

if only you knew what i've gone through.you'd probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me.it's best if i keep this a secret to myself.i'm not strong in fact im weak.so weak....

tried pushing away but it keeps coming back.maybe i'll stuck this way forever..... :(

i now have a diary.yes i've started writing.JUST started.i told myself that i needed a journal to talk about what happened form eight in the morning till ten in the evening.it has been so good and there's a lot to write about but lately i havent been writing a lot due to the crazy schedule i have for this semester.but i do find time to update so that i won't get way ahead of time.
 
having a journal is important to me because i have this big bucket full of worries.it's kind of a problem if you ask a shrink or any psychiatrist.yes,everyone has worries but me?i tend to over-think things up to the point where i can't sleep and sometimes i cry in my bed alone thinking of what will i become and what the world has to offer.it's scary.i was afraid of myself.i was scared that this problem would be forever.anyhoo,after i found my late dad's book called "how to stop worrying and start living" i have started living literally.well,if you ask me,i'm basically under 'probation'.every time when i over-think things,i flash back to the pages that taught me how to stop worrying and only then can i keep my head straight.it's a good book.

this journal is basically a new year's resolution thingy.well,this is probably the only resolution that's still here with me.an accomplishment i might say? and now that i have a journal,whenever i feel like writing i'll write and if i feel like typing then i'll type.

i guess that's just a bout it.going back to reality. Goodbye :)

i know i should stop dwelling into the past but i can't stop to think how much i miss the moments in merbok. every single one of them.good?bad?all of it.

i remember being so determined to be a degree student.have a degree in law.then it hit me.the question.a question of being true to yourself.was i true to myself when i chose to take law?i often strayed away from this question.lying to myself or refuse to face the truth.did i took this because i really want it or is it because i thought it was cool?

don't get me wrong i like doing this.solving problems.it's fun sometimes.SOMETIMES.i have like 3 more semesters to go and i've failed twice along the way.is this a sign?a sign for me to stop doing law and start doing something else?

being with my classmates in merbok made it easier for me to make a decision on whether or not should i pursue my dreams on becoming a lawyer.well,maybe because the vibe was different there.everyone was so happy and smart.i used to be smart.and i'm not even sorry for bragging lols. everyone was nice too. maybe i was too positive to believe that my whole class would make it to law deg.but reality came in.

semua rezeki lain2.i forgot. 'welcome to the world of misfit toys' is a phrase that fits me well..

i promised myself to never take something that has to do with memorizing back in 2009.well clearly someone couldn't keep their promises in hand.-.- asasi was fine for me.then someone stressed out the word 'DEGREE' and how it was different from asasi as in foundation. yeap she's right.

decisions are made to be wrong so that you can find who you really are

i for one made this major mistake and still can't find who i really am.but one thing for sure.law is not my forte.

but i'm still standing.i might have done something right,right?

never stop trying.i still wanna see what fate has for me in the future.and if i stop now,i'll never know.