Monday, January 30, 2012
i do not think that i have anything to say here but somehow my mind is so eager to write something at the moment that it couldn't wait to spill everything out.but as i thought ,it did not had anything to say and by "it",i was referring to my mind which some of you prolly might think that im crazy.and if you do not understand why,then i've no interest in elaborating more on that.bahaaaaaaaaaaaa full-stop.*sigh.(rolling eyes everywhere).i seriously don't know what to do.i've been sleeping very late lately,no i do not have insomnia but for some reason,i refuse to sleep.is there any scientific term on what's happening to me?or is this not a decease?*curious face* you know as i'm typing these words,my head is speaking in a british accent.i find it a little funny and weird sometimes quite frankly.a lot have asked me "why are so into british people?" and i tend to pause at one moment and say "i don't really know".you know when u like something,u don't have to have a reason for it.it comes from within maybe?okay maybe there are some things i like about them.for one,their accent?and also i think british people are more elegant and well manered.i think I THINK.or maybe i only watch rich british people?kalau yang kaya mmg well manered lah kan?yes,i've heard about the malaysian boy tu.yup,*fikir balik* cenggitu lah. <----- this shows how clueless i am of not knowing what to write about.i think im going to spend my time brushing my teeth while watching tv.good night lads :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
i changed my mind.kih kih.okay,my blog is not a popular one.i only have 21 followers,which one of em don't even have a blog,the other owns 2 accounts and the other created z account just to have more than 3 social networks -.- so calculating #$%^& i basically have like about 18 followers and fyi,i'm still grateful sbb ade juga yang nak singgah kat tempat ini.i call my blog an underdog because not a lot of people know of it's existence.and i'd like to keep it that way.everything that i typed here is how i talk and how i think.my english is not as perfect and as organized as some people are but that doesn't stop me from being awesome.so what if i'm not that good in english,at least i'm trying and to cover up some words that i can't recall or do not know,then only i'll start speaking in rojak :) the truth is,imma shy person.i don't do confrontations.i just can't and so when i get mad,i turn on my computer and started typing.that is when everything goes downhill.see,if ure mad,ure not in the right state of mind and u'd type and type and type without thinking that it will be read.jadi bila da org bace,people will get terasa and all.that is the downside of blogging and also for a person like me whom dislikes confrontations.however,i'd consider my blog a listener.or maybe a journal to be shared.i really want to improve my english so bad.this is how i do it.i don't use exotic words or bombastics ones cause i dont memories them and sometimes to be honest i dont even know when to use em.and so i stick to the basics.i know it sounds effortless but when ive the time,ill sure make some revisions.other than that,i always talk to myself.bahaha ok lah penat nk cerita and frankly,i'm so sleepy that i dont know what im talking about.bahbai
hello fellow readers,after 6 hrs of finding the right time to update this blog,finally the passion has arrived. ive been listening to muse's unintended for more than 3 days now.it has become part of my obsession next to talking to myself and telling the world about it .ba dum tss.as usual,i never know what's the reason of me being on this site.to blab around?to be mad at the universe?to talk about random so random stuff or is it i'm here to tell you guys that i just got my iphone4s?it's for me to know and for you to find out.kah kah.yes you right there,has z right answer.the reason i'm here is definitely to show the world about my ability to write awesome stuff.*boo!.okay okay be pa-si-yon(patient).no i did not get an iphone4s.but i didn't say i didn't have a samsung tablet!.okay that's a lie too.-.- Y ME SO LAME?T_T no no i'm AWESOME!
okay moving on.
Monday, January 2, 2012
or preferred to be known as Rahimah.this person is my mum :').although i've given her a lot of hard times but there she is,still standing strong,that is why i love her.my mum has tasted the bittersweet of life.starting from selling kuih muih,nasi lemak to having a big dream.the dream is to be a great student great person and to find her perfect soulmate,to become the perfect wife and mother to her children.my mum always wanted to get married with a man who could give her the life that she deserved.she did not stopped even for a minute to grab that dream.she's a very strong woman.she's a diligent person as well,from one job to another,she strived to make changes for her family.my opah told us siblings that my mum used to be a "kegilaan ramai" because she's beautiful and people not only like her for her looks but they could see right through her,the perfect person she is.but everyone got rejected,then came my dad :) the perfect match.hihih they got married,gave the life she deserved and was granted with 4 beautiful children.errr.hahah
they were happily married.but after 21 years of marriage,ALLAH all mighty,loves my father more,makanya pada tanggal 7 april 2006,Ismail Bin Mohd Isa telah meninggalkan kami.ber lima.everyone was shocked sbb my dad died secara terkejut.around 45 minutes before he went away,he got affected by pneumonia.my father even requested to meet my mum before he closed his eyes forever he asked "where's my wife?" to the doctor,nurse pon straight panggil me and my mum ,mase kitrg on the way lah yang ayah pergi tu.Allah itu maha berkuase,ayah x pernah ade tanda2 sakit tu pon,but he ended his life from it.i for one,was 14 years old at that moment.losing a father is not like losing your fave t-shirt,or your lucky dress,it's like losing your other half.i did not know how to react other than crying.i was beaten down by it.i got lost in my own world.i became rebellious.
it was hard enough for me to see my father leaving us here,but it was harder for my mum.he was her husband,the love of her life basically her everything.mummy did not cried.at least in front of us.i always thought that i was the only one who cared.selfish i am.i was so mad at everything.secretly my mum cried on her bad alone every night,knowing that her partner is not there to watch tv together,to accompany her to sleep.my mum lived her life as if nothing happened.she worked hard to not let us suffer.the great daddy he was and a responsible husband,he kept for us enough money to keep moving on.ade at one point i have to teman my mum pergi amanah raya everyday after school untuk uruskan harta pusaka ayah smpai aku pernah ckp "ibu smpai bila nk buat cm ni?ueen nak jadi mcm budak budak lain,balik skola terus smpai rumah mandi mkn,ueen pula nak pergi amanah raya semua".tp bila kene pakse juga i ignored my mum dlm train nk ke amanah raya tu.tp all and all alhamdulillah.ibu is a very patient woman.she got me through ups and downs,thick and think alone.she got all 4 of us through.
i was so against her getting remarried because i thought that it wasn't fair for my late dad.LATE DAD.without even thinking that my dad is no longer here,apa beza kalau aku rase x fair pon,sbb ayah da xde.i guess i was so caught up in the past that i still feel his existence up until today.my mum always asked our permission kalau she could get married again.all i did was kept silent and let my tears do the work.heh but sometimes i slammed the door or just stop talking to her.i couldn't say yes.i felt so wrong.cause i love my father so much.but the fact is,she's a single mum and ramai org jahat kat luar sana.she just needed protection like when she was with my father.she just wanted to be loved again.she just missed my dad so much.lagi pon i'm sure that my mum mmg terlalu rindukan pelukan seorang suami after 5 years.mula mula ibu x nak,she even wrote a blog about not getting married again tp jodoh semua atas tangan tuhan,x nak punya x nak,datang la the guy.at the end,they got married.i couldnt accept the fact till today,but slowly i let my heart open,just to make my mum happy.she's happy now.yeap.so happy.but sometime ade la penat semua kan,sbb da berumur hihihi what matters the most is seeing that smile :)
my mum has been through a lot throughout her life.dari jual kuih,kawin dengan laki idaman,menjalin kebahagiaan,lalui penderitaan,and gained happiness again.banyak ibu da lalui and here you are today,still young mcm dulu cantik tabah sabar.everything really made u a better person and a better mum ibu.i don't know how to repay you than a segulung sijil satu hari nnt :) i hope to be like u one day.
walaupon aku x boleh terima hakikat smpai hari ni,but knowing that my mum is happy now,made me the happiest person.dulu lps ayah meninggal,ibu jadi kurus sangat.xde selera nak mkn.kalau pukul 7 or nak dekat pukul 7 mesti sedih sbb ayah biase balik dari kerja time tu.and kalau mkn kat meja mkn mesti sedih juga sbb ayah slalu mkn skali.tp sekarang this guy lah pengganti ayah.ibu sekarang da gelak ketawa da dekat meja tu.situasi jadi mcm dulu.except aku kurung diri dlm bilik -.-i'm sorry i did not treat you right ibu.i'm sorry if i've yelled at you.i'm sorry if i did not listened to you,i'm sorry if i cant be the person you wanted me to be tp ueen tgh cuba ibu.and thanks juga to those who lifted me up with ur supports.:)
sekarang aku da mula nak tgk wajah mak aku lama2 everytime secretly lah kan.haha sbb bila bila je tuhan boleh tarik nyawa.x ibu,mungkin aku.jadi aku kiranya mcm ambil gmbar dlm minda la.hah kadang kadang aku rase marah bila ibu jerit sana sini,tp aku biarkan sbb takut satu hari nnt aku akan rindu.so people,this is the time for us to appreciate our parents.dengar ckp semua.aku menyesal kot bnyk buat x endah tp insyaallah la kita cuba slow slow.especially me.aku x nak ulang apa yang da berlaku mase ayah aku dulu.aku x terfikir pon ayah akan pergi so i took my chance with him for granted.im truly sorry.sekarang baru aku faham akan semua benda yang berlaku.
muah untuk ibu dan al-fatihah buat ayah.
and kalau bace post ni,sedekah lah al-fatihah okay?terima kasih :)
omg i don't know how to tell you guys that i missed posting so much! huh there's a lot to share but where to start?okay let's go with 2012.so happy new year everyone :) i was so scared when the clock strikes 12 cause i wasnt ready to live in a new year but hey,i'm still here,breathing :) alhamdulillah.i celebrated the new year at home.slept at 8 and woke up at 11:54.6 mins to new year.heh.watched tv with the family.well a perfect start i'd say,but got a little bit annoyed with my brother seperti biase.he's just born to be annoying so nothing to say about that.hmm it's the 2nd jan now and i feel like there's something wrong.i think a lot.okay,i've brought a long my last year's resolution to present so that i can really fulfill it however,i'm not gonna say it here,afraid that i might jinx it.there will be a next post later on,i wanna write it for my mum :).i guess this is it.gotta go,sorry for the short updates but i'm lack of ideas lah.heh but but,to my friends that are going through a rough patch,i want you guys to be strong.do not be sad,cause i know the real feeling about sadness and it aint fun.so,be happy guys.:)