a very cold night yet empty.

goodnight earthlings.how are you?good?great.huh,i am so tired yes tired from not doing anything.tired to always hear what my emotion's got to say.tired of all the scenes i see everyday and i'm sure tired with all the shits in life.i've tried being okay with it but i can't,it's too much.i can't stand the pain.it hurts so bad that sometimes i feel blinded buy those feelings.every word that came out from that mouth i have to say,had held me in grudge but i am not a fellow who hold such thing.now,i am literally holding on a threat,i don't know who is reliable at the moment.who should i turn to?the emptiness had grown bigger very now and then.i can't go on this way.i,at one point,have this eagerly feeling to just give up but out of nowhere i came back in to finish what i've started,but then came a new obstacle.why?why is this happening?i can no longer stop my patience from bursting out.i'm afraid if i can't differentiate the minion and the master.i'm afraid i'll live in regret forever.how long more shall i wait?how much tears shall i cry?how many angry thoughts shall i put in?please do leave me with an answer.i need to know.at least,i can have the idea as i am drowning and struggling in the middle of the ocean.i need space,i need time,i need support and i need people around me.i am not strong nor do i have powers.when i fall,i need someone to pull me back up,not left me there crying.i need someone to tell me that "it's gonna be okay,i'll be there for you." but who will it be?i need to know who.who will be that one person who will wait for me at the door with my coat in his hands for every time an event has come to an end.or do i have to wait the one who took care of me since i was a little girl,is it possible?is it possible that she'll come back to me?all i can see when thinking of her is an image being pulled away from me.she's gone now.all the elders are now growing up to start a family but as for me?where shall i go?where shall i lean on?who shall i look for if i need to travel around the world?if i need a new handbag from prada or even when i feel left?yes exactly,i'm talking to u my unknown lover.when can we meet?when where will it be?how will it be?hmm all i know is,i hope that thee will love me for who i am.take good care of me and protect me from this dangerous world.still waiting and hoping.kbai hahaa